Single and Bitter: God Told Me I Was an Idolater, Part 1

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single and bitter

Bitter Singles

One day, I was in the car talking to the Lord and I asked, “God, why is it that sometimes when my desire for marriage comes to mind, I feel angry and bitter about my singlehood?”

Now, Team, I know these feelings are not of God, and when they would arise I would say, “The devil is a liar” or “I am content in Christ”.  Ever had to talk some sense into yourself? I knew enough to cancel those vain imaginations that tried to be bigger than the knowledge of God (2 Corinthians 10:5), but I never asked why it was happening.

Before I could even finish my sentence, the Lord said, “Because of idolatry!” 😢

I couldn’t believe it. I was about to pull out my battle-ax-tongues on the devil; I was ready to go in! He was trying to bring me into self-doubt and challenge my identity – aw naw! But, my spirit was calm and I knew I had heard right – I knew the Lord had spoken.

When God Reveals You to You

I was feeling so defeated. Who’d of thought I was struggling with something I didn’t even know was there! How long until God cleanses me and gives me His heart?

I was about to start crying, but instead, I asked, “Well Lord, what can I do to get through this and get past this idolatry?” He said, “Pray”.  You would think that I’d be happy to have heard so quickly from the Lord and that the answer was something simple, but I wasn’t.

What hurt me was the fact that I’ve always been very introspective and self-aware. I thought I knew all my issues (pride) and for what to pray deliverance over, but there was something in me I hadn’t picked up on and it scared me to think about what else might be lurking.

Before I allowed myself to go down too low, I held back my tears and began to pray – binding and casting out idolatry. It wasn’t long before I felt that chain break off me, hallelujah! I immediately felt light and free and I went home to study the roots of idolatry.

After a keyword search, I was taken to Colossians. The third chapter talks about idolatry in detail and I learned that it’s not just referring to worship of other gods. Colossians 3:1-2 is the key to overcoming idolatry:

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. (2) Set your mind on things above, not on things on earth” (NKJV).

This is not my first time reading these verses. I’d meditate on them often while trying to get my thoughts together and renew my mind. But, this is the first time I read it with the revelation of idolatry.

The Relationship of Idolatry and Covetousness

I don’t know if you can relate, but I was the type that coveted marriage. I yearned for a godly husband, 3 kids, a great career, and a beautiful home. I set my affections on all these earthly things. I had ideas about awesome like-minded friends, having playdates with the kids, group dates and travel with our spouses, and just living this great “earthly” life. I’m ashamed to say I used to pray, “Lord, give me all of this before you return!” I thank God for revealing to me that I was selfish and full of idolatry. I thank God for His mercy.

Look at it this way.

Imagine that you get your daughter a playhouse or you build your son a great tree house in the yard. Your child loves it! Everything is scaled down to their size. They can be the mom or dad, princess or superhero, whatever their hearts desire.

Now, imagine at the end of the day, you call your little one in for dinner and they have a fit! They fuss and pout and tell you “No!” They love it so much they think they can live outside forever. Their little minds don’t realize there’s no electricity or running water or anything fit to sustain them for the long-term.

You continue to call them and assure them that if they come in, they’ll have more than they could ever ask or think. But, they keep telling you to wait because they’re having too much fun outside. Your child is so consumed with the playhouse that he or she doesn’t even care to come inside where it’s warm, where there’s light, where there’s so much more in store for them. Sound familiar?

Colossians 3:5 brings it home for us:

“Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness which is IDOLATRY”.

Team, everything in the natural is a foreshadow of greater things to come. We cannot forget that while making our plans. Nothing we desire in this life can compare to eternity in heaven with God. We are here to serve Him – not ourselves.

  So, What’s the play call?

  1. Set your affections on things above (Colossians 3:5).
  2. If there’s anything that you war with in the flesh (or mind), ask God why (get to the root), pray for deliverance, and be diligent to walk in freedom – not bondage.
  3. Find wisdom between planning for your (and your family’s) future and following God’s divine plan and guidance for your life every day.

Stay tuned for Part II.

 

Yes! I would like prayer. Please pray for me.

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