Fedora Hat: Eddie Bauer | Jacket: Zara | Long T-shirt: H&M | Jeans: H&M (personally ripped) | Chelsea Boots: Zara
What’s Up with Ripped Jeans?
A major question people ask nowadays is, “Why does everyone wear ripped jeans?” I’m sorry to say, I can’t answer this question for everyone. But, I can and will answer for myself.
As fashion does, my style went through many different phases. I remember when I would go to church with preppy styled outfits, you know – button down shirts, slacks, cardigan, and maybe a tie. This phase came to an end when I went through a series of losses. Losing my grandmother, losing my financial aid, losing friendships – all while my character was being corrected.
This period caused a great deal of sadness for me. It made it very difficult to commit to or do anything – even the things I loved. I remember going to church and hoping someone would ask how I was really doing; not just for the sake of small talk, but for a moment of transparency so I could know someone else really cared and was there for me. But, that never happened.
So I began to wonder “Why?” Is it because I’m active and it appears on the surface as if everything in my life is ok? Is it because I dress the part? All of this made me think “I need Jesus” – He’s the only one who knows what I’m going through and can actually help.
In My Feelings
There was a phrase that I couldn’t let go of – “It’s not about your feelings.” Just like Jesus didn’t FEEL like carrying the weight of our sins as we saw when He prayed in the garden of Gethsemane in Matthew 26:36-46.
If Jesus could lay down his feelings and die for me, what excuses do I have to not get through this?
Knowing that I have that type of God by my side, I was able to hold on to hope. As a result, I cared less about what I wore and more about my relationship with Jesus.
The closer I got to Jesus, the more I hated my sins. But, as much as I hated them, I kept committing them time and time again. Felt like a war was going on inside me very similar to what Paul is going through in Romans 7:15-20. This caused my heart to break because no matter how hard I tried, and how much I accomplished, I could not love Jesus in the way He deserved to be loved.
Breaking My Heart
It was because of me Jesus HAD to die because I cannot stop sinning.
Psalms 51:17 reads:
“The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart…”
That’s where I was. I broke my own heart. I learned that’s exactly where God wanted me to be – broken and humble. Here I learned that not only does Jesus loves me, but I desperately need Him… every week… every day… every moment!
I wear ripped jeans because my heart was broken. It’s an outward expression of my continuous inward state. What I choose to wear is an expression of who I am as a person, so if someone were to look at me and see my imperfect jeans, I would hope they’d also know I have an imperfect heart and I desperately need Jesus.
Some might say “those aren’t your best”. I might say “yeah, but they’re genuine.” I may be wrong in all of this, but I believe what we wear to church really doesn’t matter. Some of my deepest and most intimate moments with God happened in basketball shorts and a T-shirt.
All I want are those moments to happen as often as possible. I don’t know why everyone else wears ripped jeans, I know why I do… I just want to be genuine.